…dream sequence

!!!…there were countless people there…thousandS…if not millions…and we were all being lectured on how to run a RACE…!!!…like a triathlon…but with much more obstacle courses and trials and stuff…during the lecture session…the “coach” kept drilling it in that it’d be best that we never partner up with anybody…that if we had ANY hope of winning,we’d have to run the race alone…no baggage…no handicap…no drawbacks…
…everybody there saw the sense in what he said…and since there can only be ONE winner anyways,,,it made perfect sense…(and my mind kept flashing back to “hunger games!”)…
…anyhows…we were given a trail to run…with all the equipment and gears we’d need…we were also encouraged to get our own gears too…anything we feel might work best for us…
…the race started and I was all about focus and winning…then I stumbled on this dame on the trail…she was taking her time to gear up…no rush…no frantic scrambling for the finish_line…just cool-headed determination(with an incredibly beautiful and familiar face!)…somehow,,,against everything I’ve been taught,,,I knew we both needed each other if we were to have any chance of SURVIVING the race…not to talk of WINNING it…I walked up to her and she gave me this look that’d freeze an Eskimo…!!!…and she (coldly) asked what I wanted…I explained my idea to her…that the only way I see us winning is if we work together…cos even though the race just began,,,tons were already out for the count…and as we were talking,,, even more were falling out…I explained and talked…and tried to make her see…but she just kept staring at me like I was an toad with warts and stuff…
…and just as I was about to run out of things to say(which is weird!,,,if you know me AT ALL!!!)…she opened up her locker,,,told me to pick the extra gears I’d need and keep up…so we ran…!!!
…we ran fast and further than a lot of the others…not because we had better gear…(…or had hidden magical powers,,,I wish…!!!)…but because we were different…and in our difference we formed a mutual pact to keep each other on the trail for as long as we possibly can…!!! …it helped that I was taller,,,I saw traps,trick_turns that’d send you tumbling down into some deep hole…and stuffs like that…and she was more organised…careful…and observant,,,she saw the trip_wires…the pit_sands…the pits that were carefully covered with sticks and leaves for an unsuspecting soul to walk over and fall through…!!!
…we made a good team…!!! …all over the place,,,we came across fellow runners…tired…worn out and utterly discouraged…making themselves as comfortable as they can by the roadside until the race was over…!!!…but we kept on going…we leaned on each other whenever we were tired…we watched over each other whenever the other person had to rest…we navigated the tricky corners together seamlessly…
…and just when we thought all we had was clear_sailing…we discovered we had go past this particularly hairy corner…everybody that tries to get past there gets splashed with some foamy substance…it hardens on contact IMMEDIATELY…!!!…if you’re fast,,,you’d just get some on your legs(which holds you there for all eternity!)…or some on your hands(which makes it HARD to run shit!)…and if you ain’t as lucky…you get turned into a living statute…!!!…the point was that…NOBODY gets pass that turn without being affected…!!! …so,,,there was this big camp right beside the place…full of those we had tried to go past this corner…and those who were afraid of even trying…!!!…they were all there,,,trying to make the best of what they felt they had left…having given up,,,they bound together to subsist on the little they could eke out from what was around…!!!…but my partner and I didn’t even stop to rest…we didn’t even have to start making up a plan…we just knew what to do…guess we could practically read each other thoughts by then having survived so much together…
…while she ran on…I stop just before the corner…making a hell of a racket…the “custodians” that were supposed to see to it that nobody made it through unscathed were drawn to the noise…!!!…my partner made it past just then…!!!…and while they were berating themselves for having failed their task…I ran quickly pass too…
…and my partner and I went on by…untouched…unscathed…and unfazed…!!!
…then…I woke up…!!!

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…a piece on me…!!!

…hi…!!!

…my name is Dharmilare…!!!

…my friends call me weird…!!!

…but you can call me Dhare…!!!

…I love reading…!!!

…I read virtually every genre of the written word…!!!

…I used to prefer horror with a huge helping of the supernatural…but now,Urban_fantasy has usurped the allure of that particular genre …!!!

…I LOVE music…!!!

…don’t know which I love more…

…music…!!!

…or reading…!!!

…it’s like asking which of your eyes you like more…!!!…the left or the right…!!!

…I love making friends…!!!

…not because I’m a “people person” per_se…!!!…

…guess it’s like that Pocahontas’ song…”when you walk in the footstep of a stranger, you’ll discover things you never knew you never knew…!!!”

…I’ve always thanked God for giving me the grace to be a part of my family…!!!

…they are the most annoying bunch of arses on this side of the equator…!!!…but they can make you laugh so hard,,,you’d pee yourself…and still continue laughing…then your sides starts hurting…but you still find yourself laughing…!!!…you fall off your chair…and you’re being carried off to the hospital on a stretcher…and you still can’t stop laughing…!!!…the orderlies carrying you ask what’s so funny…my sister starts telling her stories again…the orderlies start laugh so hard,,,,they throw you off the stretcher without even knowing it…!!!…now,,,they too are on the floor…laughing…with tears coming out of their eyes…their arms gripping their sides…!!!…another set of orderlies come in to see what’s up… … …well…you get the idea…!!!

…am I funny…???

…I try…!!!

…people laugh around me…!!!

…I don’t know why…!!!

…I try to convince myself that they are laughing WITH me…!!!

…not AT me…!!!

…I love laughing myself…!!!

…I see humour in a lot of things…!!!

…some appropriate…!!!

…some not so much…!!!

…we(my siblings and I)must have gotten it from my mum…!!!…my dad…???…not so much…!!!

…its not like he doesn’t have a sense of humour…!!!

…its just that he draws a very distinct line between appropriate and downright hell_bound behaviour…!!!

…like the joke about Pastor Akpos losing his chicken…then coming to church on Sunday and asking at the pulpit…”who has a cock???”…the entire male congregation stands___then Pastor Akpos rephrases…”who has seen a cock that’s not theirs???”…the entire female congregation stands___out of frustration,,,Pastor Akpos blunts out…”who has seen MY cock???”…and the entire female member of the church choir stands…”

…now that joke…my sibs and I would laugh until there’s no air in our lungs…then we begin to stitch our own funny_arse “addendums” to it…!!!…which would catapult us…and anybody unfortunate enough to be within hear_shot,,,into yet another gale of laughter…a paroxysm of uncontrollable mirth!!!

…but my dad…!!!…

…well,,,he’d sit you down…!!!

…explain to you why that joke was not only offensive to God,,the Church,,,men,,,women,,,chickens,,,cocks(don’t ask me WHICH one,I can give you his number,call and ask away!),,,the intellectual quadrant of our minds,,,Martin Luthor King,,,Mandela,,,the Bush administration,,,Obafemi Awolowo and the rest of them heroes that fought for our Independence,,,Bill Gates(I said call HIM!jeeez!),,,the Calabars,,,souls bearing the name “Akpos” and pastors boinking the female members of their choir…!!!…he’d also let you know just how disappointed he is in you,,,your teachers,,,your mum,,,your siblings,,,your friends,,,your neighbour’s cousin’s sister’s nephew’s aunt’s younger brother’s wife’s niece(seriously,,,CALL HIM,,,cos I don’t know what correlation that has to do with ANYTHING!)…

…after that,,,he’d look you straight in the eyes…shake his head…then slowly walk away…!!!…

…I swear,,,if I didn’t know better,,,I’d say my dad practices that move when he’s alone in his room…!!!

…cos he ALWAYS nails it…!!!

…without much effort…the man can turn a laugh_fest into a day of quiet sombre introspection and reflection on how broken we are and how serious life really is…!!!

…scary man…!!!

…he doesn’t shout…!!!

…he doesn’t need to…!!!

…his words always get you…!!!

…like an arrow that always finds its mark…!!!

…like a guided_missile that has homed in on its target…!!!

…then again…for a man to survive two wives…he’d have to be something other than ordinary…!!!

…I talk too much…!!!

…my latest read beckons…!!!

…just started Eion Colfer’s Artemis Fowl’s series…

…on the fourth book now…!!!

…five to go…!!!

…goodnight…!!!

me and my head…!!!

…i was planning on writing some idealistic piece based on nothing other than my overblown illusion of what the world is all about…when it occurred to me that the past couple of days have been sort of curious in a Dean Koontz kinda way…it’s like everything around me has been trying to tell me something…not like the Disney musicals when the teaspoons leap up from the saucers and start dancing along with the teapot in a well coordinated foxtrot while singing Phil Collins’ version of “this is your life”…nah…me ain’t that over the hedge…yet…
…it’s like things that happen ever so often bearing no special message in their own right…but coupled with the shitty things happening around me, it’s like a message from the great beyond…
“…get thy shit together, my son”
…maybe it’s just another one of the symptoms of living too much in my head…it’s true—three quarter of my “living” is done in my old nugget…half of the time when I actually have someone there in front of me…I’m wondering how far in I’ve gone with whatever new novel I’m currently reading…and whenever I’m having one them relationship tassel that I always seem to be having…there’s always this little guy looking out at the world through my eyes-but with a jaded outlook…there I am, trying to say the right thing…wondering what the hell the right thing is…and this little dude is busy comparing the situation or issue to a novel he read or a movie he once saw…rating the actor’s performance and judging whether the golden globe should go to the babe crying out her eyes in front of me…or to the ass playing the supporting role(cos According to this lil’ dude, chicks ALWAYS play the lead role in whatever…from their relationships to agreements between complete strangers on the street…yes o…LEAD ROLE…the rest of the world would have to settle for supporting roles…whether them like it or not…(yeah, I said it!!!)…
…anyhows, this lil’ dude keeps going on like this…and believe me, it’s ain’t all that easy keeping a straight face when this dude really gets going… …hold on, before you go all Judge Dredd on him, I happen to understand where he’s coming from…see, he’s not a misogynist…he has nothing personal{if you can believe that!!!} against this fairer sex…it’s just that years and years of watching and seeing the gloriously wonderful true nature of man showing itself fully manifest in those dark corners we readily draw a curtain over…watching and seeing the saintly living out their ‘’seethingly’’ ugly demons in the quiet shadows of “no-one’s-watching”…watching and seeing the veiled vile motivations behind our good deeds…watching and seeing the slimy machinations and heartless handlings propelling most “I love yous”…the only logical outcome is to turn out a cynic…a cynic who feels more comfortable with books and music…cos most times, those things are usually what they say they are…but human beings are hardly EVER what they say they are…and I try reasoning with my lil’ dude by pointing out that just because one or two…or ten…maybe a hundred(thousand) of the race is bad does not mean that the entire specie has to be ruled off and eradicated…and he, calmly reminded me of something that happened a couple of nights ago..
“…remember that night you guys wanted to have eggs for dinner, and your sister, thinking you should be able to handle the simple task of getting eggs was proved wrong when you brought the eggs home and the entire batch was giving off the rotten egg smell…lets not go into the fact that the woman that sold you the eggs completely blindsided you, right in front of you…we won’t dwell on the fact that you brought the eggs home all the way from the market without perceiving that STRONG bad egg smell…we, definitely won’t even think about how you welched when you were supposed to take the eggs back to the woman, but chose to dump the eggs in the bin outside and buy a fresh batch with your own money…nah, those ain’t the reason we are here, although they make fantastic examples of the human condition…what I’d like to point out is this-there was a very good chance that only a couple of the eggs were bad…and that just one of the bad ones broke, covering the rest of the eggs with its smell…but the thing is that nobody would want to break open each of those eggs one by one to check which ones are good and which ones weren’t,cos even if…IF you get some good ones,there’s a very strong posibility that being so close to the spoilt ones,the stench of the bad ones would have rubbed off on them…and no ,matter how good something is,if it smells BAD,very few sane people would even consider touching it… … …same thing goes for the HOMO SAPIENS…one bad,the whole bunch might as well be!!!

…point of no return…!!!

… …




… …




… …




… …
… how do you handle not having anything to
write yet “wanting” to write??? okay,that’s not
entirely correct…
…okay,it’s like this—thousands of ideas flowing
around in your skull…but you dont want to write…
…nah,that still aint right…
okay,it’s like this…
***you’re on a bus(where you’re
going to doesnt matter…unless you want it to
actually matter!)…and your wandering eyes
happen to slide across a tee-shirt inscription_”!
POINT OF NO RETURN!”…and that annoying voice in your head(in my head…!!!) starts
writing- …”…Point of no return:-that point you get to and
you realize that there aint no turning back, that
the only option you got left is right there in front
of you…yeah right!!! … do we realize that we
deliberately coined that phrase to mask our
innate inability to come to terms with one simple truth that the Only point of no return is
DEATH…even that particular threshold has been
crossed and recrossed so many times that
you’d start to wonder ,if you so choose to think
about it…but we won’t want to do that,would
we…being that once you start thinking like that ,you’re bound to NEVER give up on
ANYTHING…it becomes an imperative to
pursue every viable dream of ours…build on the
insubstantial stuff dreams are basically made of
until the very REALITY of who you ARE cannot
be questioned…until the SOLIDITY of your conviction gains a voice of its own…EONS after
your dust can’t even be traced, that child of yours
will still stand to voice your convictions…your
dreams…—…but like i said earlier,why would
we want to be all like that when the simple
everyday living is already hard enough,hence “point of no return”…lets not worry…the die has
ALREADY been cast…the way chiseled in
stone…the mold has set…Free Will is a
sham…keep keeping to the pointlessness of
whatever existence you might have been tied
to… …point of no return…(scoff)…” …:(…okay,the disgruntled tiny voice in your head
spits out stuffs like that all day long…and you
realize that without making much of an effort that
you can actually take that title piece and turn it
into something beautiful…some thing
inspiring…even uplifting!!! but you don’t want to because there’s a part of you that’s
angry…angry…just plain angry…so angry that if
you choose to think about it for more than two
minutes,your head starts to swim…your cranium
is filled with this buzzing
sound…and…and…and… …the earphones stuck in your ears pours
soothing sounds into your soul and the anger is
buried under…

…this was not an episode!!!

…song of derision…

…i’ve not been to that many Nigeria Universities…but there’s a basic similarity amongst them all…not surprising though,since them all humaniods still…
anyhows,i’ve come to notice that virtually every student in the Universities i’ve been to so far have this NEED to fit into some pre-established niche,all in a bid not to stand out… …as much as i would have loved to go into details on why this NEED came into being…we can be here till the end of forever and still not get to the bottom of it…but the one thing i’d love to talk about is the Christianity Niche…
…this,as it turns out, happens to be a sweet spot for a lot of writers,of course,with varying views—from praise…to support…to acceptance…to tolerance…to mild antagonistic views…
…i’ve always wondered where i stand on this…never had to SERIOUSLY consider it despite the fact that i’ve argued for the various sides at one time or another…///…does that mean i’m like the prostitute that tell each of her “customers” that they were the best she has ever had…making each of them feel special,while showing that none of them actually were…???////
…that aside,yesterday, i was in Ife to see my dad…on my way back home,i decided to walk through OAU,Obafemi Awolowo University,just to pass the time before my bus leaves for Lagos…after walking for a while, taking in the sights and all,i started feeling as if i’ve seen that particular student in LASU,Lagos State University…or maybe it was in UNILAG,University of Lagos…or maybe it was in UI,University of Ibadan…then again, it could have been in OSU,Osun State University… … …the student i’m talking about was a stranger for all intents and purposes,but it felt like ive known him for as long as i’ve fortunate enough to be shackled to LASU… he was wearing one of them tee shirt with one of them Youth for Christ logo…stylishly rendered so it still fits in with what’s in vogue… …i saw this kid(yeah, yeah, i’m old,get over yourself already!!!)…and i couldn’t help but wonder just HOW fervent he’ll still be if Christianity starts getting people killed…like in those times when Christians were continuously prosecuted for their believes…then again, you’ll never know how strong your convictions are until they are adequately tried…the true strenght of a piece of metal can only be determined after it has subjected to extreme pressure, conditions and situations…(whoa,talk about GRIM!!!)…
…again,that’s not what i really want to talk about…it’s like i’m constantly getting sidetracked…OLD AGE!!!
…when i see these students,with the tee shirts and the “banner”.’..i think to myself,”why is he here…???…what personal demon made him forsake what could have been a rocking time in school and hitch his wagon to the Christianity carriage…
…could it be the fear of the dreaded FRATERNITIES…???…or a means to keep his wandering spirit in check…???…or just following much valued advice from someone much valued…???…or perhaps it’s something to do in a bid to please the folks back home…!!!”
…maybe it’s just me, but i’ve always felt that the University is like a rite of passage for everyone that’s oppurtuned enough to be there…those four or so years are for you to discover who you really are…away from your parents’ loving but oftentimes,misguided attempts to mold you into THEIR vision of what perfection should be…or at least a fair attempt at it… … …those four years are for YOU to try out as many personas as you feel you have to UNTILL you find that ONE you feel MOST comfortable with…untill you find that skin that goes well with your latent philosophy of the things YOU belief in…there’s a good chance that when your rite of passage is over and you re-emerge into the real world,those believes will be challanged…the real world will try its damnedest to reap into you and make you question who you are…question the integrity of your belief… … …and when those times come,if all you have is what your mum suggest you belief in…or what your dad told you to belief in…or even what your pastor preaches to you every other sunday…if that’s all you’ve got…i’m sorry to say,you won’t last long under the pressure…you’ll crack like an egg under a ten tonne brick… … …cos when you sitting in that manager’s office,and the contract you’ve spent so much time,energy and money pursuing is sitting in a file on his table and he tells you that it’s yours IF you give into his advances……or you discover that you’ve been unwittingly given the oppurtunity to “appropriate” more money than your entire generation could possible work for… … …or even something as simple as standing tall in the face of adversity,not buckling under the pressure of circumstances…those days…those times,no matter how strong the faith of the father is,it won’t sustain that of the child for long…ONLY if you’ve chosen to adopt that particular faith and made it yours…then,and only then do you get YOUR OWN legs to stand on… … …

…wait, all i wanted to talk about was how most people use Christianity as a cover…they figure that as covers go, christianity is about as good as any…if not better…shields you from the sights of the meanarse people who only wish to do you extensive harm for apperantly no justifiable reason… grants you favour with people…Christianity has more or less become a MEANS to an END…you only SERVE because you’re expecting REWARDS…you only GIVE because the RETURNS will be better…you only OBEY because of fear of PUNISHMENT…you’re only GOOD for fear of REPERCUSSIONS…LOVE looses all its hold…gets PERVERTED to the point of derision…to the point that the people looses all distinction between LOVE and FEAR…forgive me,maybe my cynical nature colors the way i see the world…of course,it doesn’t help matters that i’m proven right more often than not!!!

…still, we sing for HOPE…but hope for what…???

…part two



…i’ve been thinking about what my next installment should be like…should i follow in the footstep of my chumchums at Nollywood and start the next part exactly where the last one ended…

…or maybe venture out to the league of the big dogs up at hollywood and go a totally different way with my narrations while throwing in some vague references to my prior “works”??? Decisions!!! Decisions!!! Decisions!!!
…then,something one of my friends said bubbled up out of the vast chasm of me mind…”you’re never serious,d”…truth be told,she really ain’t the only one that says that…virtually everybody i know has said it at one time or another… … … … … …
… … … … … So,i’ve decided to go all serious on your derriere…pardon me french!!! … … … …
… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … .. .. . . . …. … … .. …. … … .. … .. .. … … … … … … … .. … .. . . .. … .. . . … . …. .. … .. .. …. … … …. .. .. … .. …. .. . .. . . ….. .. . … . . … . . … . . .. . . …. . …. . . … . … . … . .. … . … .. … … .. … . ….. … …… … .. .. ….. .. ….. …… …… …. … … .. .. . …. ….. .. … … .. … … .. .. .. … .. .. .
… . .. .. .. .. .. .. .. …… …. …. …. … … … .. … .. . .. .. .. .. ….. …. .. …. ….. .. . ….. … … . …. .. .. .. .. … .. … … ….. .. … .. … .. … .. .. .. . .. .. . ….. … .. … .. .. .. ….. … . …. . . … . .. . .. . . … …. . …. . .. . … .. . .

…… .. .. …. .. . ..

¿¿¿and that has been ME being serious… Can you feel it!!! Can you feel it¡¡¡ CAN YOU FEEL IT???

…””for a guy that talks a lot,you sure don’t say much””
EXCERPT FROM AN UNWRITTEN MEMOIR…

love you…
…and i miss you
…oh, yes i do